A Birthday's Reflections - Depression, Entrepreneurship and Gratitude
A year has gone by. One of the more impactful years from birthday to birthday I would say. As so many people do I have taken today to reflect on the previous 364.
One year ago today I thought I was in the best place I had been in years. I had just started a brand new job with a very well known organization with a strong brand. The job came with a good title and an even better salary. I had earned that job working hard to get it from cover letter to my last interview. It helped that I had worked myself into a very good place. Since January of that year I had been eating right and exercising and working. I had lost over 20 pounds. I was active. My business mind was churning on cylinders. Hell, it was installing new cylinders in my brain and learning faster than Joshua playing tic-tac-toe (I honestly just thought that on up, but you can bet I will be spending the rest of the week patting myself on the back for that reference).
Switch to today. I no longer have that job. I gained back those 20 pounds and probably one or two more. My chronic affliction afflicted me damn good. I in turn affected my friends and family with it for a number of weeks. I'm not in the same place. But having gone through all of that, and at least right now while I'm having a great coffee in my favorite cafe in Nashua, looking at a gorgeous blue sky over the river and red brick millyard, I know deep down I'm better off.
I learned so much over this year. I have grown quite a bit over this year. It may have not been an easy growth and I sure hate the thought of having caused anyone any pain, but it was deep growth. I learned a number of vital lessons.
My chronic affliction is chronic.
I finally came to an important realization. My chronic depression will never go away. Of course I will always work to keep it at bay and ensure that I am always at my best. And I will always strive to eliminate the lows and negative effects. I may even achieve that. But I will also be like a guard on the wall, ever vigilant.
I've already talked about this before but understanding how my depression and I work, that I will always have to take steps, is growth for me. Being able to tell people about it is growth. I have only come to fully understand that this year.
I am an entrepreneur.
Since I was maybe 11 or 12 I have always wanted to be a writer. Later I thought about acting, playwriting and directing. I have always been looking for a creative outlet of personal expression. I now realize that I've had one for several years now: entrepreneurship.
Whether with my own company. helping others or even working for someone else, I am an entrepreneur. I look to create new avenues of growth. To set up deep processes that allow for growth and the creation or fusion of great ideas. Since I was in college I kept thinking up idea after idea for businesses. I don't think I even realized how much I had been doing it until just this year.
Six months ago I came up with one of my best ideas yet (I think anyway). I have been working with connections in Spain, North Carolina, Massachusetts and New Hampshire to get this off the ground. It is the culmination of my experiences of the last 20 years. It is my expression of who I am and what I believe. Entrepreneurship is the paint for my life canvass and I can't wait to show the world my latest creation.
I am incredibly fortunate...and grateful
I've always felt lucky with my life. With who I am and, much much more importantly, with those who surround me. But reflecting on this past year I realize that I could be a 1 percenter.
I have a beautiful and wonderful wife and daughter. My wife has been a partner in so many ways. And, maybe most importantly, she's still with me after all that has happened and that I've done. My wife has had to travel quite a bit and, to be honest, I love the bond it has allowed me to create with my daughter. We have our own habits, our things, our own relationship. I am her father and I am grateful for that.
How often can someone even get the time let alone have the ability or connections to chase his dreams? And it's not even the first time in my life. I am so lucky for that.
What am I doing in the time I'm not working on my own work of art? I'm helping nonprofits, startups and small businesses grow. I get to use my art for good. For change. How cool is that?
My friends and family? Well, wow. They come from all over the world, speak all manner of languages and have all different jobs and lives. And they all reach out and show me their friendship and love. Priceless.
I have a ways to go. I still have quite a climb to be honest. But I have a goal, I have a path and I have support. I look forward to the journey to next year's birthday.
